Monday, March 30, 2009
Big news from the Junos
Nickleback still sucks. It doesn't matter how many times they actually win a Juno, they are the shits. I wouldn't cross the street to take a shit on Chad Kroeger's head. Well, actually I probably would, but that's neither here nor there. When are people going to wake up and realize this band has no redeeming qualities at all. Wait, that's not entirely true. They're not Maroon 5.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Personal heroes and others I admire
Usually I rant and rave about whatever comes to mind. Today I'm just going to go over a few people I admire.
Stephen Hawking - The most brilliant man to ever live. He has changed the face of the universe from a wheelchair. A brilliant man who has been trapped inside of his own head for 30 years. What's not to admire?
Albert Einstein - The second most brilliant man to ever live. Without him we wouldn't have half of the convieniences we have today.
Dennis Miller - A man that can combine intelligence and humor. How many other comedians do you know who can reference Caligula and Red Adair?
George Carlin - He is most responsible for my sense of humor. If you don't like it blame him, he's dead so he won't care. Ridiculous, thought provoking, and fearless.
Michael Crichton - My favoite thriller writer. Untill recently he was the only thriller writer I would read. His books are researched to death and are addictive page turners.
Douglas Adams - My favorite writer, bar none. Whether it is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a Dirk Gently novel, or an article on animal conservation he is flat out amazing. His wit and intelligence shine through in all of his works.
Monty Python's Flying Circus - Combining the absurd with intelligence changed my life.
Johnny Knoxville - I know he doesn't really fit in this list, but come on, the guy is indestructable. Why wouldn't he be on my list?
Stephen Hawking - The most brilliant man to ever live. He has changed the face of the universe from a wheelchair. A brilliant man who has been trapped inside of his own head for 30 years. What's not to admire?
Albert Einstein - The second most brilliant man to ever live. Without him we wouldn't have half of the convieniences we have today.
Dennis Miller - A man that can combine intelligence and humor. How many other comedians do you know who can reference Caligula and Red Adair?
George Carlin - He is most responsible for my sense of humor. If you don't like it blame him, he's dead so he won't care. Ridiculous, thought provoking, and fearless.
Michael Crichton - My favoite thriller writer. Untill recently he was the only thriller writer I would read. His books are researched to death and are addictive page turners.
Douglas Adams - My favorite writer, bar none. Whether it is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a Dirk Gently novel, or an article on animal conservation he is flat out amazing. His wit and intelligence shine through in all of his works.
Monty Python's Flying Circus - Combining the absurd with intelligence changed my life.
Johnny Knoxville - I know he doesn't really fit in this list, but come on, the guy is indestructable. Why wouldn't he be on my list?
Friday, March 13, 2009
Douchebag of the week Mar. 13 2009
This week I'm naming a person I work with Douchebag of the week. Since I actually know him I won't actually use his name, I'll just refer to him as Half-wit.
Half-wit actually had the nerve to refer to himself as a hero today. My work has recently started a program recognizing employees who go above and beyond outside of work in order to make the community a better place (it's really just a way to deflect that they are planning massive layoffs soon, but whatever). Half-wit actually asked people to nominate him because he plays a lot of softball "in the community". How the hell does that make the community any better? Seriously!?
When everyone declined to nominate him, he then said (and this is a direct quote, I was actually there when he said it), "That's okay. I am a hero in the eyes of the Lord. I am God's great hero". What. The. Fuck?
I didn't realize god was such a big fan of minor league softball.
DOUCHEBAG!
Half-wit actually had the nerve to refer to himself as a hero today. My work has recently started a program recognizing employees who go above and beyond outside of work in order to make the community a better place (it's really just a way to deflect that they are planning massive layoffs soon, but whatever). Half-wit actually asked people to nominate him because he plays a lot of softball "in the community". How the hell does that make the community any better? Seriously!?
When everyone declined to nominate him, he then said (and this is a direct quote, I was actually there when he said it), "That's okay. I am a hero in the eyes of the Lord. I am God's great hero". What. The. Fuck?
I didn't realize god was such a big fan of minor league softball.
DOUCHEBAG!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Disappointed on so many levels.
Today one of my co-workers was looking for something witty to put in a note for the next shift. Since it had been a pretty crappy day for the both of us I suggested with a satisfied grin "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here".
My co-worker just looked at me, with a look that left no doubt in my mind that he had not one clue as to what I was refering. So, thinking that my chosen quote may have been somewhat obscure I said "It's from Dante". More staring blankly. "Dante Aligheri," I forged on, feeling he just needed a prod in the right direction, "He wrote Inferno, part of the Divine Comedy." I was losing him, "He wrote in the early 14th century, and the really interesting thing about him is that he wrote in the vernacular Italian instead of the more traditional latin..." I trailed off. He continued to gaze rather blankly at me for a few seconds and then said "You must read a lot".
After this particular encounter I just kind of shook my head at the type of people who have never even heard of Dante. I couldn't even fathom. I began to wonder what this poor soul's life must be like, bereft of literate stimulation. Then something occured to me. Something a little shocking, I must say. He's spent his life learning things that are actually useful. He could rebuild a carburetor, or replace his brake lines, or actually make something that won't fall apart. Given time I could probably tell you how to do all these things, but he can actually do them.
Now I don't know who I should be shaking my head at.
My co-worker just looked at me, with a look that left no doubt in my mind that he had not one clue as to what I was refering. So, thinking that my chosen quote may have been somewhat obscure I said "It's from Dante". More staring blankly. "Dante Aligheri," I forged on, feeling he just needed a prod in the right direction, "He wrote Inferno, part of the Divine Comedy." I was losing him, "He wrote in the early 14th century, and the really interesting thing about him is that he wrote in the vernacular Italian instead of the more traditional latin..." I trailed off. He continued to gaze rather blankly at me for a few seconds and then said "You must read a lot".
After this particular encounter I just kind of shook my head at the type of people who have never even heard of Dante. I couldn't even fathom. I began to wonder what this poor soul's life must be like, bereft of literate stimulation. Then something occured to me. Something a little shocking, I must say. He's spent his life learning things that are actually useful. He could rebuild a carburetor, or replace his brake lines, or actually make something that won't fall apart. Given time I could probably tell you how to do all these things, but he can actually do them.
Now I don't know who I should be shaking my head at.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Douchebag of the week Feb. 28, 2009
I've decided to add a new aspect to my blog. Douchebag of the week. The douchebag in question could be famous or infamous. They could be well known, or a nobody. It all depends on if they really get my hackles up.
So, I'm sure you're dying to know who I name as my very first (published) Douchebag of the week. Well, wait no longer.
Nova Scotia Premier Rodney MacDonald, I name thee DOUCHEBAG!
"Why him? Why now?" you say.
"Why not" I say!
He spends NS taxpayers money faster than a frat boy at a strip club. He's commisioning books celebrating 250 years of democracy at a cost of $30,000. "Well, gee, that's not too bad" you say. Well, he's only getting six actual copies for the $30,000! SIX!! And only ONE of those will actually reside in Nova Scotia. The rest of the leather bound, gold gilted (gold, actual gold) tomes will be off to the Library of Congress, and Library of Parliament, among other such austere locations.
That's just what got my attention though. That alone would not have gotten him the Douchbag of the week. No, now he's done something worse. Something unforgivable. Now he's giving $1.5 million to the cash strapped 2010 Vancouver Olympics. He's supporting amateur sport! Outside of his own province!! I don't give a shit if it's still in our country. The olympics are an anachronysm. They should be done away with. Who the fuck cares where the world's fastest man or woman comes from.
At least Nova Scotia taxpayers are getting something worthwhile for their investment. Four VIP tickets to the olympics for the Premier and his favorite cronies.
Shouldn't that money have been spent in province in order to prop up our faltering economy? Throw some money at the food banks, homeless shelters, universities, women's and children's shelters, education, health care, the list goes on and on and on.
If Vancouver can't afford to pay for the olympics, then they shouldn't have applied for the opportunity to host them. Fuck 'em!
At any rate, Rodney (what kind of name is that for a Premier anyway) you, sir, are a (deep breath everyone)...
DOUCHEBAG!!!
So, I'm sure you're dying to know who I name as my very first (published) Douchebag of the week. Well, wait no longer.
Nova Scotia Premier Rodney MacDonald, I name thee DOUCHEBAG!
"Why him? Why now?" you say.
"Why not" I say!
He spends NS taxpayers money faster than a frat boy at a strip club. He's commisioning books celebrating 250 years of democracy at a cost of $30,000. "Well, gee, that's not too bad" you say. Well, he's only getting six actual copies for the $30,000! SIX!! And only ONE of those will actually reside in Nova Scotia. The rest of the leather bound, gold gilted (gold, actual gold) tomes will be off to the Library of Congress, and Library of Parliament, among other such austere locations.
That's just what got my attention though. That alone would not have gotten him the Douchbag of the week. No, now he's done something worse. Something unforgivable. Now he's giving $1.5 million to the cash strapped 2010 Vancouver Olympics. He's supporting amateur sport! Outside of his own province!! I don't give a shit if it's still in our country. The olympics are an anachronysm. They should be done away with. Who the fuck cares where the world's fastest man or woman comes from.
At least Nova Scotia taxpayers are getting something worthwhile for their investment. Four VIP tickets to the olympics for the Premier and his favorite cronies.
Shouldn't that money have been spent in province in order to prop up our faltering economy? Throw some money at the food banks, homeless shelters, universities, women's and children's shelters, education, health care, the list goes on and on and on.
If Vancouver can't afford to pay for the olympics, then they shouldn't have applied for the opportunity to host them. Fuck 'em!
At any rate, Rodney (what kind of name is that for a Premier anyway) you, sir, are a (deep breath everyone)...
DOUCHEBAG!!!
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