Elephants can shit up to 50 pounds per day.
Huh.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Backshift
Starting tonight I'm working the backshift this week. This is always a bad week. Never enough good sleep. Never enough of my family. Really, the only good things about the backshift are the fact that I get a ton of alone time when I get off work, and I end up with a slightly longer weekend than usual. Not really wnough to make me want to work all night long, but I guess them's the breaks.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Tim Horton's
You know, when you think about it Tim Horton's really licks a shaved monkey's ass. "But the coffee is so good!" Timmie's converts will say. Well, no, actually. It really isn't. A really good cup of coffee can almost bring tears to your eyes. Well, maybe not, but I'm trying to illustrate a point here. When you smell good coffee, your mouth should fill with saliva. Your stomach to quiver with anticipation. Your ulcers should stop bleeding. Not once has any of these things ever happened when I've walked into a Tim Horton's. What I usually smell when I walk into a Tim Horton's is the customers. The coffee is so weak you can barely smell it.
And poorly made? You betcha!
"What can I get for you today?"
"Well, I'd like a large double double!"
"Sure thing!" Employee wanders off to eventually make your coffee. "Here you go sir/ma'am! Have a nice day!"
Customer drinks his coffee, "Hmm, this coffee is kind of bitter, AND weak, how'd they do that?...", drinks some more, and then reaches the bottom of the cup only to find an inch of unstirred sugar. Mmmm!
By the way, the coversation above usually goes more like this
"Yes?"
"Um, I'd like a large double double please."
*Sigh * "Is that it?" Employee rolls their eyes.
"Yup"
"Dollar fifty five"
Minimum wage = minimum effort
Do you know why Tim Horton's is sucessful? Me neither, but I have a guess. They're pervasive. They're everyfuckingwhere. You can't get away from them. From my house you can chuck a poorly made doughnut and probably hit three different Tim's without throwing out your back.
Starbuck's has good coffee. Most independant coffee shops have good coffee. You can even make good (maybe even great) coffee in your own house.
Tim Horton's is really only good for one thing. Getting coffee when there is no other option.
And poorly made? You betcha!
"What can I get for you today?"
"Well, I'd like a large double double!"
"Sure thing!" Employee wanders off to eventually make your coffee. "Here you go sir/ma'am! Have a nice day!"
Customer drinks his coffee, "Hmm, this coffee is kind of bitter, AND weak, how'd they do that?...", drinks some more, and then reaches the bottom of the cup only to find an inch of unstirred sugar. Mmmm!
By the way, the coversation above usually goes more like this
"Yes?"
"Um, I'd like a large double double please."
*Sigh * "Is that it?" Employee rolls their eyes.
"Yup"
"Dollar fifty five"
Minimum wage = minimum effort
Do you know why Tim Horton's is sucessful? Me neither, but I have a guess. They're pervasive. They're everyfuckingwhere. You can't get away from them. From my house you can chuck a poorly made doughnut and probably hit three different Tim's without throwing out your back.
Starbuck's has good coffee. Most independant coffee shops have good coffee. You can even make good (maybe even great) coffee in your own house.
Tim Horton's is really only good for one thing. Getting coffee when there is no other option.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Weapons of ass destruction
Two nights ago it was pizza. Last night, tacos.
Now my toilet thinks I hate it.
Now my toilet thinks I hate it.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
People who piss me off
This isn't about individuals. This isn't about races. This is about people who do things that annoy me.
- People that don't swing their arms when they walk. What the hell? They look like fucking robots. Idiotic robots at that. Who taught you people to walk? You're not Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance. It's okay to swing your arms when you move.
- People that swing their arms too much when they walk. You're going to take someone's eye out. It's not a parade ground march, just calm down a little.
- Adults whose pants are too short. I get it when a kids pants are too short. They're growing at a ridiculous rate, sometimes it's hard to keep up. Adults don't grow. They stay the same height for a very long time. Why are your pants too fucking short?! Go buy a new pair! Or a used pair that fits! I really don't care which one. I just don't want to see your god damned tube socks any more.
- People that wear socks with sandals. I'm pretty sure the whole point of sandals is to be as close to bare footed as possible, without undue injury to the bottom of your foot. Take off the socks. You look like you wandered away from the group home. If you wear sandals with black socks you deserve to be beaten to death with a sock full of your own shit.
- Goths/Emos. I know full well that they are two different things/ groups/ whatever. I'm going to lump them together because I'm pretty sure it would piss any goths or emos off. Cheer up you dolts. The world isn't all bad. You don't have to be so fucking down all the fucking time. While you're at it try throwing a little colour into your wardrobe. Don't do anything drastic, just a splash of gray so i don't end up running your lame ass over in the middle of the night because you're drunk and in the middle of the road.
- People who drive too fast. Are you the police? No? Are you going to stop a fire? No? Is there someone who has promised to give you a week long screaming orgasm? No? THEN SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! I don't know how many times some fuckwad has blown by me on the highway and disappeared into the distance only to end up in front of me 20 minutes later on the offramp. Your not saving any time dipshit.
- People who drive too slow. You asshole! GET OUT OF THE WAY! If you're that concerned about the condition of the road on a bright summer day stay the FUCK home!
This can not be considered a comprehensive list by any means. In fact, I'm pretty sure I could do this for hours, but the new episode of Lost is starting soon so I'll just have to leave it at that for now.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Child care costs. WTF?
I'm laying in bed trying to sleep the other night when something occurs to me. I work almost expressly to send my two children to babysitters. To put it another way, I'm busting my ass daily in order to have the privilege of having someone else raise my kids. What the hell is that all about?
Fully 3/4 of my weekly salary goes toward paying someone else to look after my kids. Most of the rest of it goes towards our car payment. I make about $400 a week (fortunately, my wife makes a hell of a lot more than I do, or we'd be in serious financial shit), $300 of that goes to the babysitters, about $80 goes to the car, leaving $20 for various other bills.
If I were to quit my job, stay home with the girls, and get a part time job working nights we would be in a better finacial position. An $8.00/hr job for let's say 15 hours per week would give me $120 per week (less tax, I know). That would pay the car payment, a bit of the bills, and I could raise the kids myself.
I know raising and watching kids is not easy. I've done it. I actually used some of my wife's parental leave after out second child was born. But holy shit, it's not easy watching 75% of what you work for go to what is basically a stranger in order to raise your children.
The problem now becomes, do I quit my job, lose my seniority at work (it's a unionized factory), raise my kids myself while working a part-time job for the next 3 years, or do I grit my teeth and shell out the money every week?
Why in the fuck doesn't Canada have a universal child care system in place? It seems like a no brainer to me.
Fully 3/4 of my weekly salary goes toward paying someone else to look after my kids. Most of the rest of it goes towards our car payment. I make about $400 a week (fortunately, my wife makes a hell of a lot more than I do, or we'd be in serious financial shit), $300 of that goes to the babysitters, about $80 goes to the car, leaving $20 for various other bills.
If I were to quit my job, stay home with the girls, and get a part time job working nights we would be in a better finacial position. An $8.00/hr job for let's say 15 hours per week would give me $120 per week (less tax, I know). That would pay the car payment, a bit of the bills, and I could raise the kids myself.
I know raising and watching kids is not easy. I've done it. I actually used some of my wife's parental leave after out second child was born. But holy shit, it's not easy watching 75% of what you work for go to what is basically a stranger in order to raise your children.
The problem now becomes, do I quit my job, lose my seniority at work (it's a unionized factory), raise my kids myself while working a part-time job for the next 3 years, or do I grit my teeth and shell out the money every week?
Why in the fuck doesn't Canada have a universal child care system in place? It seems like a no brainer to me.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Grant Morrison is a hack.
For those of you who don't know, Grant Morrison is the heir apparent for the title of "World's Greatest Comic Book Writer". The vast majority of the comic book reading public (which I'll admit is a fairly small percentage of the general public) seem to regard him as some kind of wunderkind, a Faulkner for the four colour crowd if you will.
He is not.
Grant Morrison is in fact a terrible writer. His stories make little to no sense, take far too long to unfold, and generally make the reader want to claw out his or her own eyes rather than read one panel more.
Somehow, he has managed to weasel his way into the upper echelon of comic book writers alongside such greats as Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman. While Mr. Moore and Mr. Gaiman tend to write stories that force the readers to think, Mr. Morrison writes stories that cause the readers to think that they are reading something profound because they can't understand what the hell is happening. This is mostly because he does not understand pacing, nor does he understand that the books are coming out a month (at the very least in his case) apart. He seems to write as if the readers are going to read the entire series in one sitting. He's writing for the collected editions of the books. Good comic writers don't do that.
The truly unfortunate thing about all this? I've had to put up with his writing on a semi-monthly basis for about 2 years now. He's been the writer for the Batman comic since 2006. It's only been semi-monthly because for some reason he can't seem to get a comic out on time to save his life. Batman is a monthly title, Mr. Morrison. If you are going to commit to a monthly title, get it out monthly. Or step aside and let a professional do the job. When Judd Winick was writing for Batman I don't think the book ever missed a deadline. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Mr. Morrison is also currently writing DC Comics crossover event entitled Final Crisis. This has been even worse (if it's possible) than his stint on Batman. The story is disjointed and poorly thought out. He's killed the Martian Manhunter in what has got to be one of the most poorly written hero's death's ever portrayed in comics, and now he has apparently killed Batman. Also poorly.
Spoiler Alert
In Batman's apparent final act of heroism, Grant Morrison turns his back on everything Batman has stood for over the 70 years he has been in constant publication. Mr. Morrison has turned Batman into a murderer. With a gun. Now I realize it was an extreme situation, Darkseid had taken over the world and enslaved much of the population, but Batman does not kill. I'll say it again. Batman does not kill. A writer who understands the character would have known that, and a writer who has been writing the character for close to 2 years should fucking well understand the character by now.
You will note that I am not the least bit pissed at the fact that he has killed Batman. Just the manner in which it was done. I can make my peace with a dead Batman. I don't like it, but I'll deal. Untill they bring him back. After all in comics only Bucky and Uncle Ben stay dead. Actually, now I guess it's only Uncle Ben.
So, I guess what I'm really trying to say is that Grant Morrison needs to retire as soon as possible. Otherwise people are going to realize that he is not the great writer that he has been trying to pass himself off as.
He's just a hack.
He is not.
Grant Morrison is in fact a terrible writer. His stories make little to no sense, take far too long to unfold, and generally make the reader want to claw out his or her own eyes rather than read one panel more.
Somehow, he has managed to weasel his way into the upper echelon of comic book writers alongside such greats as Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman. While Mr. Moore and Mr. Gaiman tend to write stories that force the readers to think, Mr. Morrison writes stories that cause the readers to think that they are reading something profound because they can't understand what the hell is happening. This is mostly because he does not understand pacing, nor does he understand that the books are coming out a month (at the very least in his case) apart. He seems to write as if the readers are going to read the entire series in one sitting. He's writing for the collected editions of the books. Good comic writers don't do that.
The truly unfortunate thing about all this? I've had to put up with his writing on a semi-monthly basis for about 2 years now. He's been the writer for the Batman comic since 2006. It's only been semi-monthly because for some reason he can't seem to get a comic out on time to save his life. Batman is a monthly title, Mr. Morrison. If you are going to commit to a monthly title, get it out monthly. Or step aside and let a professional do the job. When Judd Winick was writing for Batman I don't think the book ever missed a deadline. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Mr. Morrison is also currently writing DC Comics crossover event entitled Final Crisis. This has been even worse (if it's possible) than his stint on Batman. The story is disjointed and poorly thought out. He's killed the Martian Manhunter in what has got to be one of the most poorly written hero's death's ever portrayed in comics, and now he has apparently killed Batman. Also poorly.
Spoiler Alert
In Batman's apparent final act of heroism, Grant Morrison turns his back on everything Batman has stood for over the 70 years he has been in constant publication. Mr. Morrison has turned Batman into a murderer. With a gun. Now I realize it was an extreme situation, Darkseid had taken over the world and enslaved much of the population, but Batman does not kill. I'll say it again. Batman does not kill. A writer who understands the character would have known that, and a writer who has been writing the character for close to 2 years should fucking well understand the character by now.
You will note that I am not the least bit pissed at the fact that he has killed Batman. Just the manner in which it was done. I can make my peace with a dead Batman. I don't like it, but I'll deal. Untill they bring him back. After all in comics only Bucky and Uncle Ben stay dead. Actually, now I guess it's only Uncle Ben.
So, I guess what I'm really trying to say is that Grant Morrison needs to retire as soon as possible. Otherwise people are going to realize that he is not the great writer that he has been trying to pass himself off as.
He's just a hack.
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