Tim Horton's

You know, when you think about it Tim Horton's really licks a shaved monkey's ass. "But the coffee is so good!" Timmie's converts will say. Well, no, actually. It really isn't. A really good cup of coffee can almost bring tears to your eyes. Well, maybe not, but I'm trying to illustrate a point here. When you smell good coffee, your mouth should fill with saliva. Your stomach to quiver with anticipation. Your ulcers should stop bleeding. Not once has any of these things ever happened when I've walked into a Tim Horton's. What I usually smell when I walk into a Tim Horton's is the customers. The coffee is so weak you can barely smell it.

And poorly made? You betcha!
"What can I get for you today?"

"Well, I'd like a large double double!"

"Sure thing!" Employee wanders off to eventually make your coffee. "Here you go sir/ma'am! Have a nice day!"

Customer drinks his coffee, "Hmm, this coffee is kind of bitter, AND weak, how'd they do that?...", drinks some more, and then reaches the bottom of the cup only to find an inch of unstirred sugar. Mmmm!

By the way, the coversation above usually goes more like this
"Yes?"

"Um, I'd like a large double double please."

*Sigh * "Is that it?" Employee rolls their eyes.

"Yup"

"Dollar fifty five"

Minimum wage = minimum effort

Do you know why Tim Horton's is sucessful? Me neither, but I have a guess. They're pervasive. They're everyfuckingwhere. You can't get away from them. From my house you can chuck a poorly made doughnut and probably hit three different Tim's without throwing out your back.

Starbuck's has good coffee. Most independant coffee shops have good coffee. You can even make good (maybe even great) coffee in your own house.

Tim Horton's is really only good for one thing. Getting coffee when there is no other option.