In honour of Valentine's day

Paul Simon famously said "there must be fifty ways to leave your lover". Here are a few of them.

• Tell them their sister/brother/mother/father was better, or better yet, all four of them
• Take them out for a romantic moonlit walk in the park, and disappear into the bushes
• Take them to the most expensive restaurant in town and slip out the bathroom window
• Greet them every morning with "Are you still here? When is this bad acid gonna wear off?"
• Tell them you have gonorhea and have no intention of seeing a doctor.
• Find the most repugnant people you can, and invite them over for threesomes. Repeatedly.
• Dirty Sanchez them at every available opportunity. Family dinners are an especially opportune, if logistically difficult, time to do this.
• Refer to them as The Jizz Jar or the Penis Life Support System in front of their parents and co-workers
• Photoshop them having sex with someone. Then "anonymously" e-mail it to yourself and start a huge fight.
• Have them commited against their will. Bonus: I hear you get $50 when you commit someone.
• Call the police and tell them "This crazy person is in my house and won't leave! You've got to help."
• Change the locks while they're at work and get a friend of yours thay haven't met to answer the door when they get home.
• Go on vacation with them. Before you get to the airport, fill their lugage with boxcutters, nail clippers, and scissors. When it's discovered scream "Is this what you've been planning all along!" and run away screaming.
• Tel them that dating them is against your religion. When they say they don't understand say "No, you don't.", then make the sign of the cross, take three big steps backwards, turn around, and refuse to speak. After several minutes just fall to your knees and start praying for forgiveness. If you can do it in latin it would be much more effective.
• Cleveland Steamer